My First Classic Pick - Leaving Las Vegas

For this post I'd like to break the routine a bit and do something that I hope might become a regular thing. That is giving one of my classic picks every now and then. It's something I meant to do from the beginning, and I figure now is as good a time as any to give it a go. My pick for this week, you ask?

In the 90's, a writer named John O'Brien penned a very haunting novel about alcoholism called Leaving Las Vegas. It was a very poignant look into the seemingly hopeless lives of a drunk in L.A. and a hooker in Vegas. Years later a film was made that brought much needed attention to this desperate narrative. John O'brien, an alcoholic himself, had already taken his own life by this time. And such is the movie I urge everyone to see this week. It premiered in 1995, quite a while ago, but the movie is as timeless as anything I've ever seen. Hell, by today's standards it's almost nostalgic.

It stars the lovely Elizabeth Shue and Nicolas Cage in perhaps the finest role he's ever done. After seeing a movie this powerful, I can only dare you not to find the book and devour it ravenously. Some people will no doubt be unable to "get" the film, as is so often stated by cheerleaders and fans of Saturday night football, but oh well. I can only tell you that this movie takes you deep into the shadows of the human condition and it is worth every moment. It's been on Starz! lately, if you've got the channel, and it can be found most anywhere. So if you haven't seen it, check it out.

Maximum Pain, Minimum Action. Gotta keep it PG. Ya know, for the kids.

Ooh, ominous.

So today I'm going to tell you about a time long ago during the neonate days of the Playstation 2 when a game called Max Payne came out. It was a game so vivid and dark and noir that even a rabid critic like myself found enjoyment in the narrative and it's bleak storyline. Since then there have been so many bad videos games, bad movies, bad movies based on video games and vice versa that I've just about give up. For some people, Max Payne probably pushed them over that line, but it actually kept me right on it. See, for all the problems it had, I personally think it was a pretty well made film. Maybe not well executed, definitely not well written, but nonetheless the creators really made the city come to life.

If you don't know, Max Payne is the story of an NYPD cop whose family is murdered by a group of junkies off their rockers on a new street drug called Valkyr. He transfers to the DEA, and hilarity ensues. Kidding. The story overall is gritty and bleak and drenched in violence. At least, in the video game. The movie, however, is a bit of a different story. It follows only the most very basic plot of the game and even then changes up the story quite a bit, but I doubt you care about that. The question is, does it deliver? Does it deliver Mila Kunis looking good with a submachine gun? For a couple of seconds, yeah. Does it deliver Olga Kurlyenko and some John Woo style action scenes? For a few seconds, sure. Does it deliver a gripping story with fast pacing and edge of your seat action? For about 80 minutes, no. As an action movie, as a cop movie, Max Payne mostly falls short. However, the cinematography is nice to look at and it's got a few nice guns. And Mila Kunis. I mentioned her, right?

Really, the biggest problem I had was the casting of Mark Wahlberg. He might look like a good Max Payne if you're one of the three blind mice, but even if he was a dead ringer, watching the guy act is a task all it's own. It wouldn't be so hard if he didn't think he was just so damn cool, but if that happened, well, Paris Hilton might not actually be a slut, and I think we all know the chances of that.

Um, no.

Look, I'm not gonna advise or discourage this one either way. If you're a fan of anything I've mentioned, check it out. Otherwise, let one of your idiot friends tell you all about it since you probably hang out with the kind of douche bags that just love mediocre films. Kidding again. Jeez.

Death Race, huh? At today's gas prices, I'm not surprised!

Image via Wikipedia

I've seen quite a few new movies this year and I haven't covered nearly as many as I should have, but now I'm back with Death Race. I saw this last week and I have to say it's a little bit of a mixed bag, but it actually doesn't disappoint. In fact, I'd say that Death Race is the first movie I've seen all year that was exactly what I expected it to be, which is usually a good thing. It can help you say, "See? I told you this movie was gonna kick ass" or "See? That flick sucked crap like a Hoover wetvac at Rosie O'Donnell's house."

But enough of that imagery.

Death Race was written and directed by Paul W.S. Anderson. When this guy made Event Horizon, I thought he was poised for great things. Then, after debacles like AVP and the Resident Evil films (which weren't exactly abortions, mind you, just badly written) I thought that he had been sent by Satan to destroy all that I held dear. The truth is that Anderson is a visionary sci-fi action director. His eye for style and aesthetics far outreaches anyone else in the field and he could truly be the next James Cameron if he cared enough to pull his head out of Milla Jovovich's ass. Death Race is his first step in that direction.

The film opens in a dystopian future society where economic collapse has delivered the call for a new opiate of the masses. This opiate comes in the form of a deadly new sport held on a sweet piece of prime real estate called Terminal Island, an industrial prison fort where prisoners are forced to race to the death in heavily armored performance vehicles retro-fitted with today's most politically incorrect assault weapons. The beastly, bad, and downright beautiful Jason Statham plays Jensen Ames, an ex-professional racer working in a gritty steel mill.

That's where Death Race takes it's most campy turn. Most great action films deliver a premise that requires nothing more than a solid reason for people to die screaming in a hail of lead and fire. DR does this well enough for the most part, but the reason for Statham's arrival on the island is just a bit stretched in my own humble opinion. There are a lot more subtle ways they could've done this. The film also features Tyrese. Generally, I hate that kind of casting, but I have to admit it makes rap and r&b stars much more likable because it pulls them out of the real world where they just can't stop pretending to be, like, so totally awesome.

I don't want to ramble on any further except to say that Death Race delivers on just the kind of action you should expect from the trailer. I would recommend checking it out because, as stupid as it is at some points, watching Statham's character get revenge against his tormentors is just tops.

The Forbidden Kingdom? More like the Neverendind Story with Kung Fu

Image by Gandalf. via Flickr

Okay, so last night I watched the epic kung fu fantasy flick The Forbidden Kingdom, featuring a face off and team up between martial arts legends Jet Li and Jackie Chan and current legend in the making Collin Chou. All in all a satisfying flick, but I swear it could've been written by Disney. I went in expecting a fists blazing, high kicking extravaganza, and instead got Jackie Chan all done up to look like some old guy with dysentery. Come to think of it, I think that was his best acting ever. Okay, so it definitely wasn't what I was expecting. It came off a lot more like a kid's movie, but once I got past that I actually had a good time watching it.

The film follows an young loser played always convincingly by Michael Angarano of Sky High fame, or the closest you can get to it without actually being famous. Anyway, as previously stated, Jackie Chan plays an China Town store owner that receives a rude awakening one night when the boy is forced by bullies into breaking into the store. Through a series of predictable yet still entertaining events, he picks up the legendary staff of the Monkey King and ends up in an alternate reality of ancient China featuring lots of special effects and wire fighting. A little too much wire fighting, in my opinion. He turns out to be a prophesied seeker destined to return the staff to the Monkey King's hand.

The highest low point of the film is undoubtedly the fight scene between gods of the screen Chan and Li. It's a shame, too, because the choreography is excellent and fast paced, but even if you can get past the wire work, ignoring the bleak location and lack of any real bringing-the-pain style moments these two actors are known for is a much more difficult task. Jet Li plays dual roles as both a questing monk and the Monkey King himself. Jet Li has played a lot of serious roles of late, but I always enjoy when he can play around and laugh a little, which he does here. Chan of course brings back the style that more or less has made him famous, drunken boxing baby! Oh yeah!

For me, though, the stand out role here is Collin Chou as a rather ruthless warlord that ends up actually seeming fairly cunning and honorable. The only problem is that his English speaking accent paired with heavy makeup makes him come off a bit...fruity? Anyway, he wields a wicked sword staff and was a real pleasure to watch for the few minutes he was on screen.

In short, The Forbidden Kingdom was a film that should have been so much more but was entertaining for what it offered. Like so many movies these days, it ended up being another wasted opportunity for something absolutely awesome, but don't let my pessimism overshadow what is otherwise an enjoyable flick, especially if you're looking for something to watch with a niece or nephew or something. Hell, maybe even your own kids, I don't know anything about you.

Donnie Yen's Flashpoint brings back hardcore Hong Kong action!

Let me start out by saying that I am a Donnie Yen fan. However, I've not seen a quarter of the material he's made or been in. I've only just realized and begun to appreciate his magic recently. Having said that, I wish he could have been in countless of my favorite Hong Kong and kung fu action titles. He really can be a spectacular star when properly utilized. In steps Wilson Yip, the director of the previous Donnie Yen actioners Killzone (SPL as it's known internationally) and Dragon Tiger Gate. Both entertaining films with great fight sequences, but nowhere near the action that I would hope for from such high profile films. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed them and I think Wilson Yip has a great talent for directing, but he just always leaves me wishing he would have done just a little bit better.

Now to the movie at hand. Donnie Yen plays Sergeant Jun Ma, a bit of a loose cannon cop with a penchant for excessive force (is there any other kind?) He and his undercover partner played by Louis Koo are after a trio of Vietnamese criminals that are up to no good. I know what you're thinking, with a setup like this how can it go wrong? Well, it doesn't necessarily. The film starts out great with a short action scene and a nice flashy intro, but that's were it takes a nose dive. Donnie Yen is undoubtedly the main character, but far too much time is invested in Louis Koo's character. Donnie all but disappears from sight for awhile and takes just about all the action with him. But when it gets started again, boy does it do it right! The last forty or so minutes are so fast and brutal and great, it makes you forget that you were watching a borefest for a while there. See, that's my problem with this one. So many people criticize action movies for being short on plot, but I happen to think most of them have too much plot. Action movies are made for ACTION! And that's what we want. Now, in Yen and Yip's defense, the plan was for more fight scenes, but the budget just wouldn't allow it. I should mention also mention that this movie was highly hyped for Yen's introduction into mixed martial arts, in some points it really shows, but for the most part it just looks like a lot of standard punching. The final battle between Yen and Collin Chou, two unbelievable martial artists, is an epic masterpiece that you will want to watch several times over, it's just that awesome.

I'm not going to go into any more details about the movie itself, suffice to say: check this sucker out! If you're a fan of action or martial arts at all, you simply have to see this one. I haven't seen the two-disc special edition so I can't comment on the extras, but the commentary with Yen and HK cinema expert Bey Logan was pretty good except that Donnie didn't seem to have a lot to say and the movie is rather short. Anyway, pick it up for a great evening. Trust me, you'll be telling your friends about it.

Stallone's still rockin' but the new Rambo is not

Okay, so last week I rented the new Rambo film and I thought I'd toss in my two cents. I had heard that this movie was just terribly gory, that it had the highest body count of all the previous films combined, and some people were even calling it the best Rambo yet. Now, I'm not entirely sure what movie I was watching, but I was hoping they'd made another Rambo that I hadn't heard about. Gory and corpse filled, sure. Best Rambo? Not a chance in Burmese prison camp hell!

Whoever said this movie is action packed must have been flipping back and forth to a porno flick. Similarities aside, most porno films have more story than the new Rambo, though, the payoff in the end is debatable. See, Rambo spends an awful lot of time on exposition for a film with such little plot. But hell, it's not the lack of plot that gets me, I actually happen to prefer that. It was the extreme lack of action or intensity up until the last fifteen minutes or so of the movie. It's true, there are a lot of limbs flying around and plenty of people do get obliterated by .50-cal machine gun fire, but it takes so long to get there it just makes the whole thing seem cheap.

I know I must sound like I hated this movie, but to say that would be a false statement. The movie, contrary to my review thus far, is good. It's just that it ran on the boring side and it didn't actually feel like a Rambo film. It's true that First Blood was not so much an action film as a strong social statement about the treatment of veterans after 'Nam, and the next two films were made as total hackjobs to cash in on an action movie franchise, but that doesn't mean they weren't fun. Rambo, though one of the only serious action films to come out in a while, was not exactly fun. It wasn't the dark tone, but the lack of killing throughout most of the film, that's all. In the end, I would definitely give it a recommendation, just with a few caveats thrown in.

Shoot Em Up, huh? Wow...and not in a good way.

Well, not only is it a waste of a perfectly good action title, but a waste of so many other elements that could have been used in a much smarter venue. With the exception of a few things, I think I would rather be anally invaded by the triangular shaped muzzle of a Desert Eagle. But I digress. In the film, Clive Owen plays a hateful character that decides to do a good deed on a whim and ends up paying for it by having to be in the rest of this terrible film. His back story is really only hinted at, and you never truly find out who he is or why he has such a strange oral fixation on long, orange, phallic objects. Carrots, I mean. One good thing is that it's one of the only films I've seen that makes Owen look like a true badass. The bad part is that pretty much every time he opens his mouth he says something so stupid he might as well be a speech writer for George W. Bush. The busty and attractive Monica Bellucci and sometimes charming Paul Giamatti only end up adding to the chaotic idiocy abound in this trainwreck.

In any case, with a name like Shoot Em Up, you'd think the guns would be the stars of the show, but so often that turns out not to be the case, instead so much attention is paid to mind-numbingly stupid stunts and setups that it actually detracts from the otherwise watchable shoot-outs. Kind of like when Clive Owen jumps ten feet through a window with a five-minute old baby and somehow the child ends up being in better shape than before the landing. The baby, I might add, is just a small part of one of the most horrendous plots I've ever had the displeasure of watching. And this comes from a guy who's idea of a plot is usually cops vs. gang members, the end. It's just that the characters are so unjustifiably irritating there's really nothing they can do to redeem themselves. However, there is one skydiving scene done almost entirely CG that, though I hated it at first, I actually now think was kinda cool. Maybe it was the AC/DC playing in the background.

For anybody out there that liked this movie, I apologize if you've been offended by my review. To be honest, I may have even been on board with you if it wasn't for all the lofty but hypocritical rhetoric about manners, wealth, and (of all things) gun control and the 2nd amendment. Like always, I try not to tell people what they should or shouldn't see. I just try to present a little bit about the movie, give my opinion, and let it be. To be fair, Shoot Em Up does have to pretty entertaining action sequences, but most of the time it ends up missing the target by a mile.